


Searching For Something I Can't Reach

by MinewtInParadise (JadenR5Fam)



Category: The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: M/M, Post-The Death Cure, The Death Cure Spoilers, WORKS BEST IF READ AFTER MY PRE-MAZE THOMARIS FIC but can stand alone, implied past Minho/Newt, this is a request so shout out to the requester, this is probably really bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-04-13 10:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4518402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadenR5Fam/pseuds/MinewtInParadise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aris remembers being in a relationship with Thomas, but Thomas doesn't remember being with Aris. Aris wants to try again, but realizes he may be reaching for a ghost of a person.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Say That You're No Good For Me

  Paradise was what everyone called the place. But it would never be true Paradise for Aris. Not since he’d lost Thomas. Thomas wasn’t dead, though; no, it was worse. He was alive, but he had lost a part of himself with his memories. Memories he could’ve gotten back, but refused. Aris couldn’t really hold it against him. He probably thought that WICKED would have altered their memories in some way.

 Aris, however, knew that their memories hadn’t been altered. If WICKED had wanted to alter their memories, he probably wouldn’t have been able to remember being Thomas’ boyfriend. Why would they place those memories there, or change them to be as pleasant as they were? It didn’t seem at all like WICKED.

 Aris was sitting alone in the grass, thinking this over, when his friend Sonya walked over.

 “What’s up with you?” She asked, sitting down next to him.

 “Just thinking.” Aris replied, not looking up.

 “About what? You look pretty upset. Need to talk about it?”

Aris turned to look at Sonya.  “Well, it’s not what you’d think I’d be thinking about after all we went through. You know how I used to work for WICKED, right?”

 “Yeahhh.”

 “Well, so did Thomas, which you probably also knew. The thing is, we used to be together, and I remember it. But he doesn’t, because he never got his memories back. In fact, he refused it.”

 “Oh, wow. Have you even talked to him since you kind of...betrayed him and all that?”

 “Not much. He barely even looks at me. He’s always hanging around Minho, who always looks like he wants to punch me in the face. Which makes it really hard to go up to Thomas.”

 “I can see how. Do you _ever_ see him around by himself?”

 “Rarely, if he’s not busy with something. But you know what makes all this the worst? We promised each other before we got sent up into the Mazes that we’d get back together no matter what. He doesn’t even know we were together in the first place.”

 “Could you try explaining it to him? Or would he even listen?”

 “I don’t know. He’s not who he used to be. I don’t think any of us are.”

 “Well, you could always try. But, a piece of advice, if he won’t listen, he’s not worth your time. It’s gonna hurt, but he’s not worth it.”

 “I know.” Aris said, as he turned his head back down to the grass. The next time he looked up, Sonya was gone. She’d probably had something to do, and it didn’t bother Aris that she’d left. There was probably something he should be doing then, but he couldn’t think of what it was at the moment. He was preoccupied with his new resolve to get Thomas alone and talk to him. And from the looks of it, it was going to be easier than he thought.

 Thomas was currently walking towards him, alone. “Uh, Aris? Aren’t you supposed to be doing something?”

 “...Yeah. I got distracted.”

 “Well, you need to get back to helping around here.”

 “I know. But wait! I really need to talk to you. Please.” Aris said, with a pleading look.

 Thomas didn’t look thrilled. “Fine, but not now.”

 “How about we meet right here tonight? Alone.”

 “Alright.” Thomas said, and walked away. He hadn’t looked happy, but at least he’d agreed.

 That night, Aris sat in the same place he’d been sitting earlier, waiting for Thomas. He was rubbing his hands together out of nervousness, out of worry that Thomas wouldn’t even show up. But, to Aris’s great relief, Thomas did show up.

 “Hey.” Thomas said as he walked up.

 “Hi.”

 “What did you want to talk about?”

 “Well, first off I want to tell you how sorry I really am about what happened back in the Scorch. I never wanted to do any of that. It was to keep you alive in the long run, and I wouldn’t have done it otherwise. I’ll tell you why in a minute, but please, _please_ acknowledge my apology. I know it won’t fix anything. I just need you to know.”

 “Okay. I believe you, but that doesn’t mean I’ll accept it.”

 “That’s all I needed. You might want to sit down for this part. Okay, so you know how we knew each other before all this, right? Back before we worked for WICKED?” Aris paused until he saw Thomas nod. “Well, we also used to be together.”

 “Hold up. I have a few memories, but nothing like that. You used to be my boyfriend?”

 “Yeah. We used to always sneak out of our rooms to talk to each other at night. And we’d hold hands under tables if we were sitting anywhere near each other. And we were...we were in love.” Aris said, hesitating on the last part, so that his voice wouldn’t break.

 “Oh. Well. This kind of makes me  feel bad for treating you badly, since you have all those memories of us together. But we’re different people now. Or at least I am.”

 “I know. I was hoping we could maybe try to make it work, though? I mean, if you don’t want to, we don’t have to, but I just wanted to try.”

 Thomas was silent for a few moments, as if he was considering this. “We can try, but if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work.”

 “But you don’t even like me. I’m not trying to pressure you into this, you know.”

 “Yeah. I know. And it’s not that I don’t like you as a person. I just don’t like what you did.”

 “You don’t have to like it. I don’t like it, and I’m not proud of it. But give me a chance.”

 “Okay.”

 “Great.” Aris was ecstatic, but behind that he was scared. He understood that this might not work, that he could be searching for something he could no longer reach, but he could hope. He could hope that somewhere inside Thomas, the boy he loved still existed.

 A few days went by, but Aris didn’t see any more of Thomas than usual. It was starting to worry him. Maybe Thomas had made a commitment he didn’t truly want to keep. It wasn’t that Aris had expected him to be around every second, but they’d barely said a word to each other in three days. That didn’t seem like a good sign.

 Finally, Aris caught Thomas alone and not working. “Thomas. I don’t mean to be clingy or anything, but you haven’t even acknowledged I exist in three days. I kind of thought something was going to change.”

 “Sorry. I’ve been busy. But I’m not now.”

 “Is that an offer?”

 “Yeah. ...Can you tell me more about how it used to be. With us?”

 “It was amazing. We were so cheesy, but it felt incredible. We didn’t even have to ask to go to each other’s rooms and talk. It was just like ‘Hey, I need to talk. Move over.’ and walked in. And we could talk about whatever, with no fear of upsetting each other. You could comfort me no matter what, too, and it was the same for me. We were each other’s rocks.”

 “That sounds amazing. It would be nice if I could have something like that again, but I’m not so sure.”

 “Yeah. It makes me wish you’d gotten your memories back.” Aris said wistfully.

 “I didn’t want them back, Aris.” Thomas said, looking Aris dead in the eyes.

 “I understand that, and I respect it  I still wish you had for my own reasons, though. It’s selfish, but we all think selfish things, right?”

 “Right. I can’t really hold it against you. I’d probably want the same if I were you. But I had my reasons for not wanting my memories back.”

 “I get it. In some ways, it makes things worse. I feel so guilty for what I did, but it’s not just that. It’s having more memories of Rachel and Teresa. We all used to be friends, you know. Me, you, Teresa, Rachel. The memories I have of all that are so clear, and it makes their deaths so much worse.”

 “I can see how. That’s not my reason, but it makes sense. I just didn’t trust WICKED.”

 “And you think I did? I promise you, these memories aren’t tampered with. If they were, I’m not sure I’d be able to remember us being together.”

 “Yeah, but those were the people who could literally control our minds. I didn’t want to take any chances.”

 “I get it. I still wish you did it, though. I probably shouldn’t, but I do.”

 “It’s okay. You’re only human. I’ve had selfish thoughts, too. In fact, probably a lot more than you.”

 “Well, that’s fine.” Aris said, putting a hand on Thomas’ shoulder.

 “No, it’s not. I did something terrible that I wish I’d never done. Something I don’t think you’d ever do.”

 “Was it that bad?” Ari looked concerned.

 Thomas hesitated to answer. “Yeah. I don’t wanna talk about it. I don’t think I ever will. But if I’ve judged you correctly, you wouldn’t do it. You’re too sweet. I’m no good for you.” Thomas said, and after a few minutes of silence, walked away.

 “Thomas! Wait!” Aris exclaimed, but it was futile. He’d have to talk to him tomorrow, but the outlook didn’t seem very good. It was starting to seem like Aris was searching for something-for _someone_ that wasn’t there anymore. It was like Thomas was a ghost, and Aris was left wondering where he’d gone.


	2. My Ghost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd just like to apologize for this in advance.  
> And sorry if it's a bit late.

 It had been a week since the night Thomas had said he was no good for Aris, and left suddenly. Aris kept trying to talk to Thomas, but never succeeded. He had just made another failed attempt when someone came up to him.

 It was Minho, and he didn’t look too happy. “You wanna tell me why you won’t leave Thomas alone? He hasn’t been himself in a week. I was wondering if you had anything to do with that.” Minho said, giving Aris a very suspicious look.

 “Kind of?” Aris said.

 “Spill it.”

 “Okay. So, back before Thomas got sent up into your Maze, he and I were together. Like, boyfriends.” Aris began.

 “Are you serious?” Minho asked, raising an eyebrow. He didn’t look too convinced.

 “Yes, I’m serious. Why would I make something like that up?”

 “Hmm, I don’t know. Not like you’re a lying traitor or anything.”

 “I had to do that to save him!” Aris yelled. “I don’t care if you believe me, it’s the truth, and I could not regret doing it more! If I’d known anything else I could have done, I would have done it! Now _listen to me._ We were together, and I told him about it, since he didn’t get his memories back. He said he’d give being together again a chance, and one night we were talking. He asked me about us, and then the conversation shifted to him not getting his memories back. He said he didn’t want them, and we talked about doing selfish things and bad things. He said there was something terrible that he’d done that he didn’t ever want to talk about. Then said something about how he’s ‘no good for me’, and I was too sweet, and just walked off. He hasn’t talked to me since.” The story came out in a rush. Aris wanted to get it out fast, so that he wouldn’t get too emotional talking about it.

 “Okay, so it doesn’t seem like it was your fault, but what terrible thing could he have done? If he didn’t even tell me, it must have been pretty bad. I need to figure this out. Come on.” Minho started to walk away, and beckoned for Aris to follow him.

 “What?” Aris asked, with a confused expression on his face. Why would Minho, who didn’t even like him, want him to come along to talk to Thomas?

 “You heard me. You’ll figure out what I’m doing soon enough. The less you know about this plan, the better it’ll turn out, because you can’t be blamed. Just remember, when I beckon for you, act like you had no idea we were there.”

  Aris followed Minho until they found Thomas, who was sitting knees-to-chest against a tree. Minho turned around and gestured for Aris to stay where he was, before walking up to Thomas.

 “Hey.” Minho said with a wave. “What’s up.”

 “Not much. Just needed a little bit of time alone to think.” Thomas said, not looking up.

 “Ahh. Mind if I sit?”

 “Go ahead.”

 “What’s on your mind? Anything you wanna share?” Minho asked, sitting cross-legged in the grass next to his friend.

 “Just some stuff I did in the past that I regret. And a bunch of stuff with Aris. I can’t regret that, though, because I don’t remember it.”

 “Oh? Interesting.” Minho turned his head toward the place where Aris was still standing, and beckoned for him to come over.

 Aris walked towards them. “Oh!” He exclaimed. “Sorry. Didn’t realize you guys were here.” He started to walk away.

 “No, why don’t you stay? Thomas was just talking about you.” Minho said, discreetly winking at Aris.

 ‘Minho!” Thomas exclaimed. “I, uh. Yeah. I was just saying how our whole...thing was on my mind.”

 “Speaking of our ‘thing’, what _was_ that last week?!” Aris asked.

 “Um. Do you really wanna talk about this with him here?” Thomas asked, gesturing to Minho.

 “Hm? Don’t mind me. I could not care _less_ about your issues.” Minho said, which was most likely true. He wasn’t interested in other people’s relationship issues. He was only interested in finding out what Thomas hadn’t told him, and why he’d held it back.

 “Why did you just walk off?” Aris asked.

 “Because. I’m no good for you! I’ve done bad things!”

 “So have I! That’s irrelevant!”

 “I’ve done worse things!”

 “What could you possibly have done that was worse than what this shank did?” Minho asked. “Betrayal, lying, and I’m pretty sure you mentioned he was manipulative, too.”

 “I thought you weren’t interested in my relationship issues.” Said Thomas.

 “I’m not. I’m interested in what exactly you could have possibly done that was worse than that. You haven’t mentioned anything like that to me. I thought you trusted me.”

 “I do! It’s just really hard to talk about.” Thomas said, clearly stalling.

 “Thomas. We both want to know what you did. Why don’t you just tell us?” Minho asked, his suspicion increasing by the second.

 “Is pressuring him really the right way to get him to talk?” Aris asked. “We can’t force him into this.”

 “I’m not trying to. I’m just asking questions. What thing that he did was so terrible he couldn’t tell anyone about it? He told everyone back in the Glade he’d worked on the Maze just so they’d trust him. What’s the difference here?”

 “The difference is that I actually remember doing this. I didn’t want to do it. I never would have if he didn’t beg me to do it.”

 “Who begged you to do what?!” Minho exclaimed.

 “Newt. I-I. I killed him.” Thomas admitted in a broken voice.

 “ _WHAT_?” Minho screamed.

 Aris just stood there silently, seemingly speechless.

 “He begged me to do it!”

 “And when was this?!”

 “I ran into him on the street on the way to the WICKED compound, when I went alone. I tried to save him, but he wouldn’t let me. He wasn’t the same person he was before. He said he hated me, and that he’d kill me if I didn’t kill him first!”

 “And this was all completely unexpected.” Minho said flatly, not looking like he believed a word of what Thomas was saying.

 “Well, no... He gave me a note before. I didn’t even read it until after we left the crank palace. I forgot about it completely. That’s why he was so mad at me when we were there. I had no idea then.” Thomas said, trying to defend himself, though he knew it was weak.

 “And you didn’t think to tell me any of this?!”

 “I thought it would make you angry.”

 “Damn right it did! Because you didn’t tell me! It’s been over a month since we got here! You just let me think Newt was out there, suffering, dying. You let me think he was still alive. And for what? You thought I’d be angry because you killed him? Well, I’m more angry that you didn’t tell me about it! If he was really begging for it, then I would know it was what he wanted. Why would I be mad at you for doing what he wanted? He was all I had left, and I’d rather his last wish be granted than let him suffer. But you just let me think he was still suffering, like he had been for the past two years. He should have asked me to do it.”

 “Would you have been able to do it?” Thomas asked, then immediately regretted doing so.

 “I don’t know, but I know that if I had been, I would have _told you_ afterwards. He’s right, Aris. He isn’t any good for you. You should move on to someone that’s not as selfish as he is.”

 “I...I just didn’t want to lose one of my last remaining friends.” Thomas murmured.

 “Well, it might be a bit too late for that.” Minho said, and stormed off.

 “You should have told him, Thomas.” Aris said disapprovingly.

 “I know. I...I wasn’t thinking. He’s right. You should move on.” Thomas said, looking as if he couldn’t possibly be any more upset.

 “Do you actually want me to move on?” Aris asked, gently pushing Thomas’s chin up to look at him.

 “Not really. Will you stay for a little while?”

 Aris knew that this wasn’t a good idea. Part of him knew he was searching for a part of Thomas that was gone, and this probably didn’t mean anything. The other part couldn’t stand to see Thomas like this, and had to comfort him, or he’d feel terrible. In the end, the part that wanted to comfort Thomas won out, and Aris ended up close to Thomas on the ground. Aris had his arms around Thomas, who was leaning his head on Aris’s shoulder.  

 “I didn’t want to lose him.” Thomas said, in a broken voice. “But it happened anyway.”

 “He could come back around. You never know.” Aris said softly.

 “I don’t think he will. You don’t know Minho like I do. He doesn’t let things go very easily. I don’t blame him, either. I’d probably react the same as he did if it was the other way around. Almost everyone he’s ever loved is dead.”

 Aris thought back to their days at WICKED, back before the Maze Trials had been implemented, but after WICKED had taken all the kids. He thought of the little blonde boy, always hiding in corners or sitting alone at tables, too shy to come out and talk to people. Newt had never been one who wanted to be the center of everyone’s attention. But Minho was. He had always loved to be surrounded by other kids, telling jokes or making fun of the WICKED employees, or anything that got him attention. One day, Minho walked up to Newt. Newt had looked confused, maybe even intimidated. But there hadn’t been a need for that. All Minho had wanted was a friend, and Newt hadn’t had any. They became inseparable, even to the end. No one said anything, but everyone _knew_. And they’d found each other again, even after having their memories erased.

 Aris immediately decided not to tell Thomas about that. It wasn’t his story to tell. “That’s not why he’s upset, Thomas. He’s mad because you didn’t tell him. I think it could be said that he already has trust issues, given all he’s gone through, and now he thinks he can’t trust you. You might have to show him that he can trust you again.”

 “But can he? If I held back from telling him something that big, why should he trust me?” Thomas asked, in tears. After all he’d gone through, he couldn’t believe he was crying over _this_ , but he couldn’t hold the tears back.

 “He’s hurt, Thomas. Let it sink in; see if he moves on.” Aris said, as he ran his fingers through Thomas’s hair, a parallel to an old memory.

 “What if he doesn’t move on?”

 “I don’t know.”

 Thomas and Aris stayed there for hours, until it got dark. They knew they had other things they should be doing, but Thomas couldn’t bring himself to go do anything, and Aris didn’t want to leave him like this.

 “I think I just need to go to bed.” Thomas said after a while. “I don’t think sleep is gonna fix anything, but at least I can get away from all this. Come with me?”

 Aris nodded, following Thomas’ lead.

 Eight hours later, Aris woke up next to Thomas, who was still asleep. Aris didn’t want to move, for fear of disturbing Thomas; they were wrapped up in each other, and Thomas hadn’t slept much. He’d been up half the night because he couldn’t get the day’s events off his minds. Aris felt awful for him. Not only had he killed his best friend, he’d gotten backlash from his other best friend for not saying anything about it. Minho’s standpoint was completely understandable, but Aris was biased, and it was hard not to feel sorry for the guy who’d spent half the night crying.

 Aris couldn’t help wondering, though, if Thomas was only in this because he needed comfort at the time. He hadn’t seemed very invested in their relationship three days ago, but things had changed drastically since then. Did he just need comfort, or was he actually starting to be invested in this? Aris thought that the first was more likely, but he hoped for the second.

 It wasn’t long before Thomas woke up.

 “Hey,” said Aris.

 “Hey. How long have you been awake?”

 “Half an hour maybe? I dunno.”

 “I’d suggest going back to sleep, but we have stuff to do. Hard work helping create basically an entire new civilization, right?” Thomas asked, grinning.

 “I wouldn’t call it a new civilization, but yeah. Definitely hard.” Aris replied.

 Thomas and Aris were at their respective jobs within the hour. Aris was hard at work when Minho came up to him.

 “You’re still with him, aren’t you?” Minho asked, starting to work alongside Aris, most likely as a cover.

 “Yeah.”

 Minho shook his head. “Why? He doesn’t love you, Aris, and he’s not trustworthy. He needs comfort, and that’s it. Why are you still in this?”

 “Because...because I love him.” Aris said, knowing very well that it wasn’t true. The Thomas he loved wasn’t there anymore.

 “No, you don’t. You’re just saying that. You know I’m right, and that you’re gonna leave him. And if you don’t, he will.”

Aris did know that Minho was right, but he didn’t want to admit it.  “Why are you telling me this? You don’t even like me.”

 “I wouldn’t even condemn someone I hated to spend their life with that shuck-face. He killed my- Newt, and didn’t even care enough to tell me.”

 “He was trying to keep you from getting hurt.”

 “No, he was trying to keep me around. He didn’t want to lose me, or let me see what he was really like. Selfish. Get out of that relationship, Aris. He’s just going to hurt someone else.”

 “Minho, you’re hurting; you’re angry. Do you think it might just be your emotions talking, or are you serious about this?”

 “I’m serious. I don’t have anyone left. Thomas was all I had. If I thought it was just my emotions talking, then I’d try to get past this. “

 “I get it. You might not think I do, but I get it. No one can ever replace the loved ones you lost. It’s always going to hurt. And it’s especially going to hurt that you know the person who you thought was your last remaining friend killed the person you loved most. But you need someone. You’ve taken enough of this, and you need someone to lean on, to vent to.”

 “The person I leaned on and vented to is dead.”

 “I know. And no one can replace him. But someone needs to be there to do what he can’t anymore. I know you hate me, but I’ll be around, okay?”

 “Don’t count on me taking that offer, but don’t be surprised if I come around.”

 “Okay.”

 “And do yourself a favor. Break up with Thomas. It’s like he said. He’s no good for you.” Minho said, walking away.

 Aris knew it was going to happen eventually. He didn’t want to do it just yet, but he had to break up with Thomas. Thomas was probably never going to love him again, and he couldn’t be as invested in this because he didn’t remember how it was before. It was unlikely he’d ever love Aris again because of what Aris had done. It wasn’t that Aris had expected some huge revelation that Thomas actually loved him, or even that Thomas could love him again. But he’d had hope. And that hope was fading fast. The problem was, he didn’t want to leave Thomas at a time he was so vulnerable. This Thomas may have been a ghost to him, but he couldn’t leave him like this. It had to happen, but it wasn’t the right time. Then again, Aris didn’t know that he would ever think it was the right time. _Soon_ , he told himself, _it has to be soon. But not too soon._

 Thomas was a ghost, but he was Aris’s ghost, and Aris didn’t want to let him go just yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can take "Come with me?" any way you want. I like leaving things open to interpretation.  
> Sorry I broke Minho.  
> It'll get worse in the next (and most likely final) part. Expect that in 7-11 days.


	3. I Know I'm Gonna Leave Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late. Lost my computer; just got it back.  
> Aris knows he should leave Thomas, but can he convince himself to do it?

 It had been four days since Minho had told Aris to break up with Thomas, but Aris still wasn’t mentally or emotionally prepared for it. He knew he had to do it eventually. It wasn’t what Minho had said, either; Aris had had a feeling that Thomas wasn’t truly emotionally invested in this relationship before Minho had said a word about it. If Thomas was truly invested in their relationship, he would have to prove it. But how? Aris didn’t want to flat out ask, but at that point he had so many thoughts swirling around in his head that he didn’t know what to do anymore.

 He didn’t know whether he would ever have the emotional strength to break up with Thomas. Maybe he’d get lucky and Thomas would break up with him first. Doubtful at this point, but possible.

 Aris decided to just stop thinking about it for a while, and, since he was done working, take a walk around. Hopefully that would calm him down.

 The walk did calm him down for a few minutes. Until he unintentionally ran into Thomas literally begging for Minho’s forgiveness. He stopped short in his tracks, transfixed.

 “Please! You know I never would have done it if he didn’t want me to!”

 “THOMAS! IT’S NOT THAT YOU DID IT. IT’S THAT YOU DIDN’T TELL ME. How many freaking times do I have to _say_ that? I’d probably have forgiven you if you’d told me right off, but you _didn’t_. You decided that keeping me around was more important than telling me Newt was dead! And I really think that comes off as selfish.”

 “I didn’t mean it to be selfish. I didn’t want to hurt you by telling you!”

 “What hurt more was thinking he was out there suffering, and dying, and losing himself!”

 “I didn’t realize you felt that way!”

 “Of course you didn’t.” Minho snapped. He turned away, to see Aris standing there. “And how long have you been standing there?”

 “Not even a minute. Sorry. I didn’t mean to-” He didn’t get a chance to finish.

 Minho came over and grabbed his arm tightly, though not tight enough to hurt him. “Come with me.”

 “Not giving me much of a choice, are you?” Aris asked, as he was pulled along.

 “I’m taking you up on your offer. Unless you’d like to take it back?” Minho turned around and glared at Aris.

 “No. No!” Aris said, shaking his head.

 They stopped after a few minutes, after entering a woodsy area.

 “Listen. I don’t wanna hear _crap_ about Thomas. I don’t care about that right now. And if you remember anything about Newt and me, I don’t wanna hear that either. What I want, is for you to listen. I don’t like saying things more than once. This also does not mean that we’re friends. I just need someone to talk to. You got that?”

 Aris nodded. “It’s cathartic, right?”

 “Right. You’re kind of the best thing I’ve got right now, in terms of a catharsis.”

 “But quick question: Are you ruling out the possibility of us ever being friends?”

 “As long as you’re still with Thomas, yes. Otherwise, no. I still say you break up with him. He’s useless. He never did anything but make bad decisions. Some of them had good results, I’ll admit, but nearly every decision he ever made was bad. The only good decision he ever made he refused to tell me about because of his own selfishness.”

 “You think what he did was a good decision?”

 “Yeah. You didn’t know Newt like I did. He never asked people to do things for him. It was always for everyone else. Never for himself. If he asked Thomas to do this, it had to be extremely important to him, if not considered necessary. I don’t care that Thomas did it. What I care about was him not telling me. I’d have told him if I’d done it, but he couldn’t tell me. He’s selfish. Remember that time in the Scorch when he just took off, and didn’t even tell us what he’d seen? And he threw off our schedule. We were going to sleep while it was cool, but he screwed that up. I’m sick of him having absolutely no thought for anyone but himself. It’s infuriating. I tolerated it to a certain degree before, but now I’m just sick of it.”

 “Was it actually you who tolerated it, though?” Aris asked. Minho clearly was not very tolerant of this; it had probably been Newt who’d kept him from boiling over.

 “No. It wasn’t. My tolerance is gone. It’s all I can do not to go over and punch Thomas in the face right now. I’m not really proud of that, but most of my impulse control is also gone. My better qualities are literally all gone.”

 “No, they’re not. You’re still a great leader, and you’re still funny, and believe it or not, you are likable. You’re not all bad.”

 “But I’m not who I was.”

 “Join the club.” Aris said, though not spitefully. “No one is. It sucks. We’ve all lost people. We’re all gonna have to move past it. It’s horrible what we went through, and the people who put us through it should have known better. But they didn’t, and here we are. They put us through hell, and I know you had it a lot worse than I did. But we got through it. We were strong enough to get through that. Maybe we can get through this. What we need to do, all of us, is stick through it. We need to make sure we have as little else stress as possible; break ties with anything that could hurt us even more. Band together. Be a huge support group for everyone who had a similar experience. It won’t fix everything, but it could make it a little easier.”

 Minho nodded. “Might want to take some of your own advice there.”

 “I don’t think I’m mentally prepared to take it.” Aris replied, knowing Minho was referring to breaking up with Thomas. That could cause him even more pain, and he knew it. He’d known it as he was saying to break ties. It was almost constantly on his mind. He wished he could get it off his mind, but he knew what he’d have to do for that to happen.

 “I think you are. I think you just don’t want to let it go because it reminds you of your past and how things were. You _want_ to let him go, but you don’t think you can. The thing is, if you do want to let him go, it means you are mentally prepared. That’s not the problem. It’s a confidence issue, not a preparedness issue. And let me tell you it’s gonna hurt you, but don’t you think it’d hurt more in the long run?”

 “When did you get this good at advice?”

 “I can’t be all bad, can I?” Minho said with a smile. “Now, go do what you need to, or I swear I will never speak to you again. Dead serious.”

 “...Get back to me in three hours. If I haven’t done it, punch me in the face. Then never speak to me again.”

 “Are you serious?”

 “Yes. See you in a few hours!” Aris said, running off. He needed to let the fact that he was actually going to do this sink in before he made any attempt at it.

 Aris stopped after a few minutes to sit down and prepare himself. He realized how short of a time it had been between him wanting another chance with Thomas and wanting to end it. A lot had transpired in just that short amount of time. Getting Thomas to try out a relationship again, Thomas deciding he wasn’t good enough for Aris, Minho confronting Aris, and Thomas revealing he’d killed Newt had all happened in just a few days. Then there was Minho and Thomas’s fight, the night Aris spent with Thomas, Minho actually speaking to Aris like he didn’t hate him, and now Aris was going to break up with Thomas. It all seemed like too much to Aris. Two weeks ago, he never would have thought he’d be in this position. He’d known he might end up breaking up with Thomas, but he didn’t think it would be like this.

 It wasn’t like he wasn’t going to give up on at least being friends with Thomas. There are some things from the past you can never let go, but he didn’t have to let every part of it go. Not only had Aris and Thomas been boyfriends, they’d been best friends. Maybe they wouldn’t get that close now, but they could still try to be friends.

 Aris didn’t know if he was rationalizing what he was doing or trying to comfort himself at this point, but either way, he needed it. It wasn’t long before he was ready to approach Thomas.

 “Hey.” Aris said, after finding Thomas and going up to him.

 “Hey.” Thomas said, with a wave.

 “Um. Can we talk in private for a minute?”

 “Sure.”

 “Thanks.” Aris led Thomas away, to somewhere no one would find them.

 “You’re not taking me into the wood so no one will hear me scream when you murder me, are you?” Thomas joked.

 Aris only rolled his eyes and shook his head at how bad Thomas’ joke had been. “That was terrible, and I actually do need to talk to you.” Aris said, after they stopped. “I, um. I think we should break up.”

 “What?” Thomas looked confused.

 “I don’t think you’re nearly as invested in this relationship as I am, if at all, and I don’t think it would be healthy for me to stay in it. I’d love to stay friends, though, if you wanted.”

 Thomas was silent for a moment. “Sorry. I’m just kind of shocked you’re the one breaking up with me, instead of the other way around. You’re right about me not being as invested in this relationship. I don’t remember being together, so it’s harder for me to form a connection like that with you. I’m sorry. I’d hate to upset you.”

 “Don’t be sorry. It’s not like you can really control your feelings. And I really didn’t even expect this much, so I’m not too hurt. I’ve had worse.”

 Thomas nodded. “So have I. And, yeah, we can still be friends. I have come to like you. I just don’t _like_ you.”

 “I understand. Also, I think Minho might be coming around on me. I can try to convince him to be your friend again. I’m not sure it’ll work, given that it’s _Minho_ , but I can try.”

 “Thanks.”

 “You’re welcome. So… Guess I’ll see you around, then?” Aris asked.

 “Yeah, I guess. Bye.”

 Aris waved as he walked away. That had been easier than he’d anticipated. He still had the weight of sadness on him, but it would have been even worse if he’d let that relationship go on much longer.

 About an hour and a half later, Minho came up to Aris, who was sitting up against a tree around the most heavily populated area there was in Paradise. “So, did you do it?”

 “Yeah. We’re still friends, but I broke up with him.”

 “Can I sit?”

 “You’re not gonna punch me, are you?”

 “ _Please_. If I was gonna punch you I’d have done it already.” Minho sat down next to Aris. “You gotta move on to a new chapter of your life now. And in this one, no one’s controlling you. You can do whatever you want. Within reason, considering we don’t have a lot of anything here yet.”

 “What if I want to be friends with you? The only people I know around here are a few of the girls, and then Thomas.”

 “I don’t think we’re quite there yet in my book. I don’t trust easily, and what you did back in the Scorch made it worse. And if we’re gonna be friends, I need to trust you. But I’ll give you a shot.”

 “Why did you vent so much to me if you don’t trust me?”

 “I was angry, and you were currently the only person around I wasn’t angry at. And you offered to listen. Better than not letting anything out. Besides, I intimidate you. So why would you say anything?”

 “How do you know I’m intimidated by you?” Aris asked.

 “Dude. It’s all over your face when I’m around. I’m not as bad as I come off, though.”

 “I know. You’re just very guarded. And sarcasm seems to be a coping method for you. I get it.”

 “How do you have such a good read on me? Have other people been talking about me?”

 “No. I just listened to you talk to me. You let your walls come down temporarily when you were upset. I expected you to be way more guarded then. It seems like you don’t get to vent like that a lot.”  Said Aris.

 “What are you, a psychologist? But you’re right.”

 “You know I’m around. Maybe you can come to trust me by talking to me?”

 “Maybe.”

 “I hope you can. We both need people to talk to. You just lost a friend, and I lost my ghost.”

 “Your ghost?” Minho asked.

 Aris launched into an explanation of how Thomas was a ghost to him now, since who he was before was gone. “Since we broke up, I lost him, in a way”

 “We’ve all lost people.” Minho echoed Aris’ words from earlier. “And we’ve all lost things, too. We’re just gonna have to move on. There might be things we’ll never be over, I’ve got one that comes to mind immediately, but that doesn’t mean we can’t move on.”

 Aris knew Minho was right. He was gonna have to move on from his past, and from his ghost. And he knew he had the strength to do it.


End file.
